Diagnosis: erectile dysfunction
Modern urology defines erectile dysfunction as prolonged (not less than six months) inability of man to achieve and maintain erection sufficient for satisfactory sexual activity.
Manifestations of erectile dysfunction are the following:
- Sluggish, erection insufficient for sexual intercourse.
- Sudden disappearance of erection directly during intercourse.
- Complete lack of erection.
In the body of man there is constant interaction and rivalry between erectogenic and inhibiting stimuli. The first are visual, tactile and olfactory erotic representations. To inhibit – anxiety, fear, apprehension, expectation of failure, depression, overwork, chronic stress – all that so much in life of modern men.
The easiest and most convenient way to explain stable failure in bed is stress and hassle at work. But it’s wrong to blame everything on psycho-emotional and physical overloads from both scientific and purely everyday point of view. Only in 10–15% of cases erectile dysfunction has psychogenic nature, in most men cause of disease lies not in head, but in state of vessels.
Advice of nurse-psychologist to wives of patients
Of course, most women know that men have problems with erection, but when this happens with her partner, woman simply doesn`t know how to behave. Most often, thought flashes through my head: “This is all my fault!” – and further detailed reflections follow: “I’ve become old and in general I have long suspected that he has mistress.” Such reaction is one of most common mistakes.
Having coiled herself in full, woman will want to receive explanations, will begin to interrogate and as result wouldn`t receive any intelligible answer. Moreover, in response to reproaches and offensive tone, man can seriously withdraw, move away, and then couple will begin protracted conflict that excludes not only sexual relations, but all others.
Another variant of ineffective behavior is when woman decides that now she will immediately fix everything, fix it, and rushes to get erection with excessive activity, try new ways of stimulation. Unfortunately, similar tactics exhaust both: erection wouldn`t come, but feeling of dissatisfaction will be provided.
And third, which really doesn’t need to be done at all, is to behave as if nothing happened or you didn’t notice anything. Also, don`t say: “Honey, it’s not at all important for me, I love you and that,” especially if you have whole storm of negative emotions in your heart.
Hushing up problems can lead to fact that partners will switch to work, hobbies, parenting and intimate relationships will come to naught, become friendly. From state of friendship it will be extremely difficult to restore original partnership.
What will help to return to normal life?
But such steps will help to return to normal life:
- Be sure to sort out exactly what kind of impotence caused you: annoyance, frustration, irritation, panic, or something else. If you feel rejected and unwanted, don`t accumulate grievance. Tell about your experiences partner. In such situations it`s very important to “pull out” your feelings, to speak frankly and in detail. It`s important that some time elapses between failure in bed and conversation; event must be digested, and not discussed in hot pursuit.
- Try not to put pressure on feeling of guilt, man reproaches himself without that. Try to understand: yes, he had failure, but he had no intention of spoiling sexual intercourse.
- Impotence of psychological origin is more likely to be men thin, vulnerable, delicate, strongly focused on opinions of others. In some ways, this is reverse side of sincerity and intelligence.
- Don`t minimize impotence. If it`s important for you to have sexual relations, discard excessive modesty and tell him about it in your own words, directly, without hints.
- If you have already asked for help from doctor or psychologist, then while treatment lasts, strengthen emotional closeness. Touch partner, hug, show other signs of attention. Men as well as women, in order not to feel lonely, need tactile closeness.
- If you are accustomed to fact that initiator of touch was man all the time, then you may have to get used to leading role and take first steps yourself.
- If your couple had to go to doctor, it means that you really have close relationship – love, friendship, trust. Remember that sexual problems are kind of indicator that shows quality of human relationships. When man and woman love and appreciate each other, treatment is always successful.